blog

untitled - 2/18/24

so tired and so worried

but why worry when death is near to everyone

and we end up in the same grave anyways

shouldn't these be my "golden years"?

why am i worrying about anything except school

i dont know

do we ever know

what does it mean to know

adhd

...

my blog post page template feels too complicated.

i dont like complicated.

i like simple.

black on white blog.

sounds nice.

i dont want to give up what i made yet, though.

...

if my parents found this

if they cared enough to find this

i would be fucked

...

my brain feels weird

am i wrong?

earlier my mom yelled at me for being too loud

i dont know when im too loud

im sorry

did i overwhelm you

i was just talking.

...

i heard thats a symptom of autism

not knowing how loud you are

or rather, controlling it.

but you dont believe in autism.

you think it's caused by "screens".

...

you said even if it was real, and even if i did have it

you wouldn't care.

you would treat me just the way you do now.

and the way you treat me now isnt even good for a neurotypical

you're mentally abusive

and on rare occasions physically, too.

...

not as discipline

but because you're mad at someone else

something else.

i dont know what

but why do you hurt me for it.

i love you. do you love me?

is it me thats not enough?

...

my friends think im enough and you're not

but i want to believe you're perfect.

when you got sent to the mental health facility

when you went off your meds

...

im sorry for what happened